Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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