I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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