well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
