so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
