I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
