ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize