Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Couch. On fire.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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