ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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