we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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