we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize