you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize