It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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