I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
someone owes me an orgasm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize