I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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