Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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