God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
