I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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