I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
