before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
only you would photoshop your dick
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
