dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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