well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
