i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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