VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
