She's JV to your varsity
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
