After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
