My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
