So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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