Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
