I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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