You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
