i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
