So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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