He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
