K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
