she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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