In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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