Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
