theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
