once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
