You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
