I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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