no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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