i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
