took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
