shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
