:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
