Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
