I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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