I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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