drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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