I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
