apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
