after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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