I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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