I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
