You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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