Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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