You left your underwear on the fireplace
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
