He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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