Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
