So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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