I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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