Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm at about main and main street
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
