guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
