Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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