I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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