you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
