a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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