She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
