Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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