Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
