Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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